Anyone who knows me well knows that I dread the winter. Well, not the winter itself, but working outside in the winter. Gardening is not a great career choice between December and March, and although most people think that anything horticultural just stops during those months, my bank manager insists otherwise. There is a lot that can still be done outside during these harsh months, it’s just colder and harder, a lot harder. We actually ‘save’ jobs for the winter where we can – jobs that can be done ‘above ground’ and in the very worst conditions. We are clever, like that.
Although if I was really clever, I would get some alternative work for those few months. And I have been saying that for the last five years: “I’ll get some inside work for this winter …” It still hasn’t happened. I seem to be able to get to Christmas in pretty good spirits, but then January and February are just uphill all the way. Strangely enough, February is a lot harder than January, probably because I have just managed to get through January. And to all those people who say, “February is a short month …” It’s 2 days shorter, that’s all. Two days. It would need to be two weeks shorter to make any difference!
I don’t do much else in the winter except got to work, look after the animals, fetch wood, and count the hours ’til I can have a hot bath and light the fire. I accept all invitations safe in the knowledge that I won’t be going, no matter how much I might want to when I accept them. I did well last year and managed to get to the gym three times a week even in the run up to Christmas, but then I knew I had to hunker down in order to get through my outdoor days in the new year and my membership lapsed, along with all the social invitations.
Most days I leave work, wetter than an otter’s pocket and colder than a polar bear’s arse. I feed the animals on the way home, light the fire, have a bath, eat, and get ready for the next day, just before crashing out in a winter weather induced stupor. It’s the best I can do. But I want to do better.
In my continual quest for self growth, I have wanted to address this for a while, and whilst there are many invitations that won’t ever be accepted – even it’s a beautiful sunny evening and someone sends a carriage to my door – I do want to be able to do the things that I want to do. And I wanted to go back to my weekly art class. After two weeks of literally dreading going and dragging myself there (because I’d paid), enough was enough. So I set about devising a method of getting myself back out on a wet and windy winter’s evening after a wet and windy day in work. Of course, I had to check in with myself first that I did actually want to go … and yes, I did. So how to go about it … ?
I realised that I was coming home with the mind set of someone who was wet and cold and tired. That person would obviously not want to go back out on a winter’s evening when you’ve got to defrost the truck for the second time in a day. So I thought, ‘What sort of person would want to go back out – to an art class, for example? That person would look refreshed, they would be energised – like someone who wanted to learn and achieve. They would have a positive mind set.
So I ‘transitioned’ into that person. Sounds weird, I appreciate but sometimes weird works. It is just a ‘change of mind’. Literally. I use the time in the bath to transition between the cold tired gardener coming in from work to a ‘normal’ (?) warm, comfortable human being who enjoys art and is lucky enough to have a fabulous art class to go to. It is not instant but it is doable.
I thought I would try it with a few other things. I worked out in torrential rain last Friday but finished at midday. I had a few things that I needed to do and get and the obvious place to go was B&Q or Tragic Mills. Right, surely I could do that. Go home, quick bath and back out. I found myself dreading it – too wet, too hard, too peopley. I tried the transitioning – what sort of person would I have to be to go and get the few bits I needed. A people person, that’s what. I would have to interact with people and make decisions about drill sizes (yup, needed a new drill).
And that was a step too far. I couldn’t make the transition to that person. Not that day. So I went and got new wiper blades (sensible and not very peopley). Whilst driving home, I transitioned into a responsible admin sort of person and caught up on my paperwork and invoicing.
I have also managed to transition into a person that wants to be fit and strong and feel good and that has got me as far as my makeshift shed-gym a few evenings. But as yet I have failed to transition into the person who will go back to the gym. It’s just a step beyond my transitioning zone at the moment. And I accept that, which is important. It will change, as my transitioning muscles develop and especially as the evenings become lighter and the weather brighter. I have even transitioned into a person that is writing their second blog, as asked. I’m still not keen and feel more vulnerable than is ideal, if I’m honest but I am also happy with my new found skill and am quite chuffed to share it!
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