manage
verb
1. be in charge of (a business, organization, or undertaking); run.
“their elder son managed the farm”
synonyms: be in charge of, run, be head of, head, direct, control, preside over, lead, govern, rule, command, superintend, supervise, oversee, administer, organize, conduct, handle, take forward, guide, be at the helm of;
2. succeed in surviving or in achieving something despite difficult circumstances; cope.
“Catherine managed on five hours’ sleep a night”
synonyms: cope, get along/on, make do, be/fare/do all right, carry on, survive, deal with the situation, scrape by/along, muddle through/along, fend for oneself, shift for oneself, make ends meet, weather the storm; get by, hack it
What does the word ‘manage’ mean to you?
Upon investigation, I associate it with coping – often after a struggle and with a smattering of half-hearted-ness or ‘only just-ness’; the word ‘coping’ definitely doesn’t fill me with confidence or even illusions of adequacy.
There are, however, two meanings of ‘manage’ as given above; interesting then that I choose the latter to cover the former too! For example, managing people = coping with people for me. I have never consciously associated managing with being in charge of.
But I have enjoyed reconsidering my perception after reading Matthieu Ricard’s book, Happiness, in which he shares the importance of ‘managing One’s emotions’. “Managing One’s Emotions” – crikey, bearing in mind it’s only three words, that is one helluva big sentence (as in a gathering of words, not a court judgement).
Ricard, who has been described as ‘the happiest man in the world’ continues to share that the quality of every single aspect of our life is based on the quality of our emotions, which is why it is important to manage them.
Based on my earlier admission, I will have read that as being important to ‘cope’ with our emotions – which is largely the best I can achieve most of the time and which also suggests that the power I have over them is limited. However, swap the word ‘cope’ for ‘be in charge of’ and everything suddenly shifts. Quite a lot.
As I have shared in my autobiography, Barefoot and Before, I am very passionate and slightly obsessed by the mind and what it is capable of and am constantly exploring and investigating methods of keeping it on side or, at best, being productive.
I love Ricard’s work. He stresses how important it is to understand and know your own mind; ‘How else are you going to understand or know yourself?’ he asks. Abso-bloody-lutely. The fact that the quality of every single aspect of your life is based on the quality of your mind (or how you manage your emotions) is essential knowledge. It sounds so simple. And the awareness itself isn’t difficult to grasp. But that’s only the start, you then have to process it, understand it and then, of course, you have to apply it. Consistently, preferably, for the best results.
And it’s not just emotions which are worth learning to manage. Take all the other things that enhance your life when managed, and managed well, – time, expectations, health, finances and even relationships. Interesting one that last one, as it’s not something that is synonymous with being managed. We have all heard about time management and managing your finances – but managing a relationship? Doesn’t that sound like coping with? Or controlling, even? But why wouldn’t they need managing? If you are still unsure whether managing aspects of your life is beneficial, then consider the alternative – not ‘being in charge’ – and recall the chaos that inevitably ensues.
Another interesting aspect was raised when I ran the word ‘manage’ past someone close; they immediately responded with, “I find money management and time management so dull, I just switch off.’ When asked for their definition of manage they replied, ‘ To deal with, put up with.”
It makes sense that if you perceive money management as having to put up with money or having to sort it out, then that would indeed be daunting. But change the perception to ‘being in charge of’ and you immediately get a better feeling; being in charge of your money/time etc. It puts us in the driving seat.
So what is the difference of being in charge and being in control? I am considering this as I write, and I think the important difference is actually in being in control or being controlling. And I think that, in turn, it is about intention and whether being in control is beneficial to all concerned or manipulative to benefit just one. Maybe. I am still considering.
Even hearing the phrase, ‘being in control’ is wince-inducing, it’s not often perceived as a good thing. But it’s important to know when it’s necessary to be in control and not so necessary – for example, it’s essential to be in control of a car but I am quite happy to relinquish control of some events to the Universe!
However, I will save the ‘control’ stuff for another time; it is ‘managing’ that has my attention at the moment. So that is what I am going to concentrate on, managing stuff – all sorts of stuff. So dramas and circuses are kept to a minimum.
There is a great saying, ‘If you surround yourself with monkeys, your life will become a circus.’ Conversely, of course, if you feel your life is a circus, then maybe look with whom you are keeping company.
And that brings me back to managing relationships – and not just the romantic ones. We all have this notion that a relationship should just work if it’s ‘right’ or because the relationship is with a member of our family. But why should it, why wouldn’t it need managing? There is nothing quite like a relationship to evoke emotions, of all types, so that is possibly one of the most important arenas in which emotions do need to be managed, along with boundaries and expectations. Surely the desire to want to, and to apply oneself to, managing a relationship is a sign of strength and commitment to the relationship itself? Isn’t it irresponsible to expect it to take care of itself – like finances, health or time?
I’d love to know what you think about this. What does ‘manage’ mean to you and how much time and effort are you prepared to put into managing the various aspects of your life? I suspect it may be in direct proportion with your desire for success in a particular aspect.
‘If you don’t run (or manage) your day, your day will run you.’
Lynne x
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