Barking at Angels

6a01156fa075f4970c0120a69bf6b4970cUncontrollable tears have been falling with the autumn leaves this week. Tippy my four legged companion and confidant of 13 years passed away.  She had been diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis in the summer;  small but swift adaptations were made as part of a concerted effort to continue enjoying our outdoor life together.  A hacksaw, a carpet needle and some twine was instrumental in altering a child carrying rucksack so I could carry her to the top of our favourite mountains and even the wheelbarrow became a Tippy Taxi so she could maintain her ‘foreman duties’ in work and continue to take the rubbish to the end of the lane with me.  A little Canine Aerosol Chamber was bought from the States so she could benefit from a steroid inhaler and many social and public commitments cancelled in favour of spending precious time together.  We became totally inseparable as we squeezed the most out of the last few weeks together; I don’t know who became more dependent on who.

And finally, despite trying to make her comfortable by cwtching her up on the sofa, she made a typically independent effort to go out into the garden where she died in my arms in her favourite flowerbed.  Determined, in charge and with me to the very end, the void she has left is unbearable.  I miss her so very, very much.

The pain is so loud and the house so quiet;  the fingers of grief grip tightly and without regard as the enormity of never seeing her again slowly sinks in.

The tears and leaves continue to fall and as I look to the sky with heartfelt gratitude for my most wonderful, cherished and spirited companion, I‘m sure I can hear her barking at angels.

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